“Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.”
— Tennessee Williams”
There are two things that never fail to move me in a genuine way; fans that have discovered my music recently and dive into my discography and history with enthusiasm and fans that have been around from the beginning and are still fully present with me today. Those who have championed the ongoing creation of my music through two Kickstarter campaigns, a Patreon membership and now my own personal membership area, many of these patrons first discovered me on The KnockOUT Tour. Reflecting on the memory of my first national tour makes me want to stop and give my deepest gratitude to each and every one of you – whenever you came along for my journey! Please know that you are the reason I still do this today. It’s only ever been you and I. No managers, record labels, distributors, no investors, etc. Just YOU and ME. Thank you for being my friend! I cherish you so much.
As I was pulling together the old photos, videos, and press for this archive, I began to remember little moments I had since forgotten. I was so green.
Having a tour sponsor sure made a difference. Gay.com and PlanetOUT.com sponsored our tour of 51 cities in 53 days. I think it actually became more like 60 cities as bookings continued to come in, extending our tour.
My friend Terri Johnson is my official archivist. She documented all she could. Hence the following photos, videos and audio are all from the west coast tour dates where she lived at the time.
A lot of the memories that come back to me are not sharable to be honest. I was living the life of sex, drugs and rock n roll. Many of those memories were made post-performance and well into the morning hours. With that said, I was never late, I never missed a show, and was an impeccable team player. I think my ability to function back then while being so reckless was what kept me from realizing that I had a problem.
Other random things I remember:
We had only eight people at the Boise, ID show. Yikes.
Playing at the MCC Church in Omaha, NE was very emotional for me as it was the first time I had stepped into a church in years and was so overwhelmed by the love and acceptance. That show moved me so much.
Oh! I remember Eric’s boyfriend couldn’t stand me and for no apparent reason. He was our “tour manager” at the time. He was really nasty to me about something one afternoon and I had reached my limit, letting him get the worst of my scorpio stinger. Very awkward and ugly.
I remember the boy I was seeing at the time would fly in and out of cities now and then to spend time with me. And with his cocaine use, his drinking, and his indiscriminate, intimate encounters, we were a match made in heaven…and a shit storm waiting to happen. And boy did it happen. See my 2018 album release Liberated to peek into the mess we created together.
But mostly, I just remember meeting all of you. I’m still so grateful that a few of you dear human beings are still here with me. As Michael and Amy said, “No, a lifetime’s not too long to live as friends.”
Below is a video performance of “With You” which I occasional performed with Eric playing guitar, and another video performance from The Mint in Los Angeles, obviously enjoying my Jack Daniels and telling all the secrets behind the song “Just This Good” before performing it.
Photos below are from Twiggs in San Diego, The Mint in Los Angeles, and Head Hunters in Sacramento.