My song Best Day Ever appears to be just another happy, hooky song about falling in love. But the backstory is that it was inspired by my infatuation with someone I had no business being with. In hindsight, I wish I would have known the difference between infatuation and real love. I’ve come up with three things we all could keep in mind while experiencing all those feels…
#1. How long have you known this person?
Looking back on my own moments of infatuation, I confess I never knew the person very long before I was overwhelmed with feelings for them. I was projecting my own assumptions onto that person without actually knowing the person. I was in love with the idea of who they were – of what they represented to me rather than actually knowing them. Of course, I was quickly devastated when this person dared to be something other than what my hasty, unfounded assumption required them to be. If you haven’t know this person very long, chances are you don’t have enough information about that person for it to be real love.
And before you tell me that you’ve known this person forever through social media, let me point out an interesting statistic for you.
Psychology Today sites a study that suggests that 90% of communication is body language and non-verbal. 55% of that is body language, 38% is the tone of voice, and only 7% is the actual words spoken. In light if this, do you honestly think you could have an informed relationship with someone via email, text, or social media platforms? Many people do, and that’s a huge problem with society these days -projections we make about other people based on how we feel, not based on what we actually know.
#2 Are you trying to be what you think they want?
If you’re putting this person on a pedestal, if you feel like they are above you for some reason, and your expending your energy trying to be what you think they will be most attracted to, this is not real love. Real love begins with a strong sense of self. And believe me, as much as today’s pop culture preaches about self-love, the concept goes no deeper than a hashtag because too many of us do not know how to bring a quiet, confident sense of self to the table when building new relationships. You should never spend a moment asking yourself, “What if they don’t like me?” Stay centered and immovable in the truth of who you are and real love will come to you.
#3 Do you see their point of view?
When you’re infatuated, generally you can only see your point of view on the relationship. And with that, you may find yourself having strong opinions about how you think they should act. If they keep your fantasy alive, you feel good. But the moment they don’t behave the way you think they should, you lose interest suddenly.
I find that those who are infatuated with someone, they fall in love fast and they fall hard. The problem is they will hate you just as quickly and just as passionately as they loved you. This is because the relationship is not built on anything real. My warming to you, if you’re the one being sought after, stay clear of anyone who could love you that fast, that hard, that quickly. It’s infatuation.
There are so many other points to make as it’s a fascinating experience to discuss. One I’ve been on both sides of. But the best thing I could leave you is this. Remember this, and you’ll be fine.
-Attraction is based on what you see.
-Infatuation is based on what you feel.
-Love is based on what you know.
Best Day Ever is your perfect theme song when you find love unfolding in a natural, organic, pace that affirms your sense of self and likely takes you by complete surprise.
Use the comments below to tell me how YOU determine the difference between infatuation and real love.